Thanks for introducing to love of life...

[Archived Topic]

My boyfriend and I would like to thank a former friend of ours for introducing us. We intend to send her a handwritten letter of gratitude describing how appreciative we are. We're interested in anyone's input/suggestions.
Thanks!
Anessa, USA

Submitted by ( - )

[Archived Reply]

What a nice thought, Anessa!

Well, to begin with, a good thank-you note is greatly enhanced if the recipient understands something of the background context to the gratitude being expressed. I see that you describe this person as ‘a former friend’, so I am therefore assuming that he or she is not up to speed with the current circumstances of yourself and your boyfriend.

To be truly meaningful, your letter to this person ought therefore to cover the following:

Introduction
- General overview of the place love plays in the lives of human beings. Your analysis may be brief or long, depending on the perceptiveness you can bring into play.

Background situation
- Description of the condition in which you and your boyfriend existed prior to the occurrence of love between you, including any negative motivational factors such as loneliness, depression, boredom, alienation, worries about school, interfering parents/siblings etc, or any other factors which drove you towards love.

Analysis of need
- Explanation of the particular motivations which you and your boyfriend had for falling in love.

Needs-based strategies for engaging in a love-based relationship
- For each of you, the application of your respective cognitive and emotional states to developing a suitable behavioural strategy for attaining the status of being in love. Include a description of the obstacles envisaged and the methods planned for overcoming them. How specific were your objectives, i.e. did you and your boyfriend set out to capture each other’s affections exclusively, or was there room along the way for desperate experimentation and/or meaningless sexual encounters? Don’t forget to include the planned role, if any, which you or your current BF intended for your former friend to play in establishing the love between you.

Implementation phase of the love-directed strategy
- How you both put your strategies into practice, and the extent to which they cohered with the planning stage in each case.
- Problems or synergies (negative or positive) observed during the implementation phase.
- Your friend’s role in bringing you together.
- Conclusion of the implementation phase, either unofficial or official (if applicable).

Effectiveness and efficiency of the implementation
- How effective were the strategies you applied?
- Were the resources you each deployed adequate for the purpose? Did you use them as efficiently as you could? Could you have achieved the same (or better) results using fewer resources? How else could the mechanics of the process have been improved?

Post-infatuation evaluation
- Assessment of the relevance, impact and added value deriving from your experience of falling in love. Include a description of your current situation, and the extent to which it meets your original expectations. Is there anything about it which you would change, given the opportunity? What feedback would you like to give your partner about your mutual experience of love-seeking and his role in it?
- On the basis of what you have learned so far, what new emotional or behavioural follow-on projects do you consider feasible or desirable?
- What were the particular strengths and weaknesses of your respective approaches to the planning and implementation of your efforts to find love?
- Are there any lessons learned which could be useful to others, perhaps through mutual information-sharing?
- Did your friend's input in the process of introducing you and your boyfriend meet your expectations? What improvements (if any) do you think would have enhanced it?

Conclusion
- Reiteration of the importance of your friend’s role in bringing you together, with a restatement of your thanks.

I believe your friend will be very pleasantly surprised that you have taken so much trouble to let him/her know what their input has meant to you both, especially because it is all written by hand.

May I wish you both the best of luck for the future! (But remember, being lucky is generally the outcome of effective planning!)

Reply from Erik Kowal ( - England)

[Archived Reply]

Errh, one note of caution in this scheme, Anessa. You failed to note what the circumstances of the breakup with your friend was? Was your current heartthrob your friend's boyfriend? Did you entice him away from her? If so, I don't know if such a letter would be appreciated. Mr Kowal should appreciate this as he traveled halfway around the world a couple of times to lure a young lady away from my affections *SOB*

Leif, The Bereft, WA, USA

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

To explain why the letter is going to a "former" friend... This is quite entertaining, actually.
She was my sister-in-law. Her brother, my former husband, had committed adultery multiple times. He also is bipolar and refuses treatment. He hooked up with a new woman and said he wanted a divorce from me to be with her. I was tired of his mental illness and cheating, so I agreed and moved out. I was separated from him at the time my former friend and sister-in-law introduced me to my boyfriend. He was friends with her and her husband from college. None of us intended for our introduction to be a "fix-up". Neither my boyfriend or I were looking for someone to date. We were friends first. We later fell in love. Once we told our former friend that we were "dating" and in love, she "freaked out" and told us she no longer wanted to talk to us. As the bipolar defect runs in her family, she has it too. Not as bad as her brother, my x-husband though. When friends ask why she no longer speaks to us and we tell them why, they laugh and say she's a nutcase! However nutty she may be, we still wish to thank her for introducing us. Even if she "freaks out" when she reads the letter.

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

How peculiar!

Anessa, have you yet composed this letter to your ex-friend? Perhaps you will favour us with its contents? I am sure that I am not the only one who would be interested to find out how you eventually decided to pitch your approach to this plainly troubled woman if/when you get to the point of setting your words down on paper.

Anyway, good luck with it!

PS - I think Leif has got over his own 'thing' by now.

Reply from Erik Kowal ( - England)

[Archived Reply]

Have not!!

Leif

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

I think, to show that you appreciate her, invite her to your wedding.


Al of Rhode Island

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

On this subject, you should all go and see Dr. Phil.

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

Oh, I already did. He told me to come here.

Reply from Erik Kowal ( - England)

[Archived Reply]

Oh, I see.......I guess the papers haven't been served yet.

Reply from ( - )

[Archived Reply]

I see that you say, "even if she freaks out when she reads the letter." However are you sure this is the right course of action? Imagine her gritting her teeth and swearing that you were rubbing her face in it.

Reply from Victoria Kozlov (Eugene, OR - U.S.A.)

[Erik_Kowal]

If she is a decent person, I believe the sister-in-law would ultimately be pleased and gratified at learning what an important role she had played in Anessa's love life. Any bitterness, chagrin or mortification would surely be diluted and dissipated after she had taken some time out for mature reflection.