Twisted last words

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Twisted last words

Post by Erik_Kowal » Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:16 am

Take any well-known character -- real or fictional, dead or alive -- and suggest some suitable last words. These can either be of your own invention or can be based on anyone else's words.

Here's a few of mine:

Mahatma Gandhi
"I could have been somebody! I could have been a contender!"

Carlos Castaneda
"I have the feeling this is going to be a particularly bad trip".

Scarlett O'Hara

Adolf Eichmann
"No, wait! Don't do it! I was only giving orders!"

Norman Lamont
"Je ne regrette rien".

Margaret Thatcher
"The lady's not for urning!"

Captain Edward Smith
"Steward! White star on the rocks, please!"

Dorothy Parker
"Pearls before swine. Again!"

Leonardo da Vinci
"Do you really have to smile at everything?"

Oscar Wilde
"Has anyone seen my picture?"

Archduke Franz Ferdinand
"This is all a terrible misunderstanding, you know!"

Professor Stephen Hawking
"Ter-mi-nate! Ter-mi-nate!"

"Oh, crap! I don't believe this bullshit!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I don't think I'll be back".

Marie Antoinette
"Mmm! That cake was delicious!"

Bishop Berkeley
"This isn't happening".

Richard Dawkins
"Now, just who are you, old fellow?"

Don Juan
"Can you believe I'm still horny?"

Art Blakey
"My pulse is beating in 4/4... 3/4... 2/4..."

Peter Cooke
"Shome mishtake, shurely?"

Richard Nixon
"Is anybody taping this?"

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Ken Greenwald » Thu Jan 12, 2012 3:57 am

Humphrey Bogart
“Ilsa, I think this is the end of a beautiful friendship.”

General Custer
“Give me liberty or give me death!”

Isaac Newton
“This is a matter of the utmost gravity.”

George W. Bush
“Jeez! It sure is hot up here.”

Samuel Clemens
“And never the twain shall meet.”

George Romney
“So, fire me!”

Mother Teresa
“And I leave all my worldly possessions to Christopher Hitchens.”

Ken – January 11, 2012

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Erik_Kowal » Fri Jan 13, 2012 4:30 am

Oliver Hardy
"Well, here's a nice mess I've gotten myself into!"

Benito Mussolini
"Have some respect, man! Those are Guccis you're mistreating!"

Grigori Rasputin
"Damn their light sabre!"

Jean-Paul Sartre
"What a sodding waste of time this has been!"

Joan Vollmer
"You're over-thinking this, Bill".

Andrew Borden
"I don't think you know one end of that thing from the other, Lizzie!"

John F Kennedy
"Between you and me, Jackie, Dallas is kind of a boring dump, isn't it?"

Charles de Gaulle

Josef Stalin
"Nurse, I feel it's time I had another purge".

Michelle Duggar
"And as you go through life, girls, remember to always keep your knees tightly closed".

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sat Jan 14, 2012 1:24 am

Liza Minelli
"Hello, my gaydar seems to have stopped working".

Nicolae Ceauşescu
"This is no time to get bitchy, dear".

Dr. Sheldon Cooper
"The carbon cycle will be privileged to have me back when I expire. If it were in fact capable of consciousness, it would know that".

Pollyanna Whittier
"Another happy day tomorrow!"

Butch Cassidy
"What did you say Plan B was?"

Abraham Lincoln
"When you return, Mary, could you do me a favour and bring back a refill of popcorn?"

Moammar Gadhafy
"Just a minute. I'm executing some stock trades on my iPhone".

Vidkun Quisling
"Pick me! Pick me!"

René Descartes
"I'm still thinking".

William Shakespeare
"Soft Death, who glid'st on ancient wings,
And like the owl, dost sudden snatch thy prey,
Show me thy bloody mercies now
And steal my clay-trapped soul away".

Aleksandr Pushkin
"You're late!"

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Ken Greenwald » Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:04 am

Jean-Paul Sartre
“I ain’t that I am!”

Gen. Israel Putnam or Col. William Prescott
“Idiots! I said don’t fire till you see the whites of their thighs!”

Joan of Arc
“Talk about heartburn! But I still say there is nothing like a good stake.”

Paul Revere
“Land, sea, schmee! Who cares?

Pope Benedict XVI
“Wait a second! What’s with this sign ‘Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.’ I’m no Benedict Arnold and I wasn’t about to betray that pesky, pedophile priest.”

John Philip Sousa
“When I called up my first prospect he told me that his old phone worked just fine.”

Yogi Berra
“When we won the world series I thought I died and went to heaven. Now it’s déjà vu all over again, I think.”

Spiro Agnew
“My last request? Please, no nattering nabobs of necrophilia!

Maria von Trapp
“You got it all wrong. I was singing of my love of myrmecology [[the study of ants]], not mountains.”

Ken – January 13, 2012

Re: Twisted last words

Post by trolley » Sat Jan 14, 2012 6:43 pm

"Someone answer the door. I think the pizza is here."
Osama Bin Laden

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Erik_Kowal » Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:32 am

Maximilien de Robespierre
"I can't believe I bothered to wash behind my ears this morning".

Adolf Hitler
"At least I fooled some of the people some of the time".

Pierre de Fermat
"What a time to run out of ink!"

Anna McNeill Whistler
"I kept telling you, I've always preferred orange".

Queen Elizabeth II
"My sole regret is not outlasting Charles".

Don Quixote
"I shall now proceed to conquer the final frontier".

Tony Blair
"I've actually been looking forward to this moment. Now I'll be able to tell God straight from the horse's mouth where He's been going wrong".

Queen Victoria
"After Albert died, why the hell didn't I get myself a toy boy?"

Albert Einstein
"Neutrinos, schmatrinos!"

James Madison
"My constitution no longer permits me to continue".

Re: Twisted last words

Post by Ken Greenwald » Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:24 am

Harry Houdini
“What the . . . The damn key was supposed to be in my back pocket!”

Juan Perón
“I did not have sex with that woman!”

Arthur Miller
“I liked it hot!”

Jack the Ripper
“I always thought of myself as more of a tearer.”

Grigory Potemkin
“If anyone ever asks, I said it first, ‘It takes a village!”

Paul McCartney
“Don’t let this get out, but the Beetles had a mortal fear of exterminators.”

Evel Knievel
“Never jump to conclusions!”

Arthur Ash
“How many times do I have to tell you this, ‘I don’t want to be buried!’”

Jacques Cousteau
“There’s something fishy going on here.”

Jeremy Bentham
“Lord, you know how I’ve always espoused ‘the greatest good for the greatest number’ as the right thing to do. Well, I’m here to tell you my number is one divided by zero!”

Tom Thumb
“When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I knew it was ‘a farm hand.’”

Ken – January 14, 2012

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