Alternative arrangements

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Alternative arrangements

Post by Erik_Kowal » Mon Mar 11, 2019 3:49 pm

UK to EU: "So, guys, we've just voted to leave the EU."

EU to UK: "That's very unfortunate... OK, what are your proposals?"

UK to EU: "We don't have any, we're leaving."

EU to UK: "Yes, but what about the Good Friday Agreement and the Northern Irish border?"

UK to EU: "Eh?"

EU to UK: "You signed an international treaty, remember? Look — tell you what, why doesn't NI stay in the Customs Union, job done."

UK to EU: "NEVER! You're not splitting up the UK!"

EU to UK: "OK, then what do you propose?"

UK to EU: "Why are you being intransigent?"

EU to UK: "What? Look, we need to sort this out and you haven’t proposed anything. So, what about the whole of the UK staying in the Customs Union?"


EU to UK: "FFS, what then? This is your mess, tell us what you actually want."

UK to EU: "Why are you being intransigent?"

EU to UK: "Will you please just tell us what you want."

UK to EU: "OK, if you're going to be like that, we want a backstop added to the Withdrawal Agreement.

EU to UK: "Finally! Yes, OK, that's fine, but remember — this is your idea. So, shall we sign off on the Withdrawal Agreement? But once we've done that, we won't be able to reopen it in the time between now and Brexit Day on 29 March."

UK to EU: "Yes, let's sign it off."

EU to UK: "Done."

UK to EU: "Ummm... We couldn’t get that deal through Parliament, so we need to reopen the withdrawal agreement and change the backstop."

EU to UK: "We said we couldn’t do that, but... OK, we might be able to do something, we're listening... What do you want to change it to?"

UK to EU: "Alternative arrangements."

EU to UK: "What?"

UK to EU: "Alternative arrangements."

EU to UK: "What the actual fuck is that?"

UK to EU: "Don't know, just something different."

EU to UK: "Look, the backstop was your idea. We agreed to it, but now you don't want it any more. Instead, you want it changed to something that doesn’t exist."

UK to EU: "Why are you being so intransigent?"

EU to UK: "It literally does not exist. What don't you understand about that?"

UK to EU: "Stop bullying us!

EU to UK: [Indecipherable mumbling and grinding of teeth]

UK to EU: OK... We've had another idea... How about, let's have a backstop that isn’t a backstop?"

EU to UK: "Oh fuck the fuck off, you absolute idiots!"

Theresa May to UK general public: "The EU are being intransigent! This isn't our fault, it's all theirs!"

Re: Alternative arrangements

Post by tony h » Tue Mar 12, 2019 11:19 am

It was always simple. Leave on WTO rules. It was only complicated by a ludicrous belief that if you commit yourself to "getting the best deal out of the EU" that you would actually get one. No PM since Margret Thatcher has had success negotiating with the EU.
Then the Irish border becomes an issue for the EU to continue with it's international agreements.
Signature: tony

I'm puzzled therefore I think.

Re: Alternative arrangements

Post by Phil White » Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:13 pm

What genuinely irritates me, what actually really pisses me off, in fact, what transforms me into an apoplectic heap of quivering anger, is when I hear a politician say "that's not what people voted for". They have no idea. In the very small circle of people I talk to, in which leave voters are a small minority, most actually did vote in the expectation that the UK would leave the EU and all its institutions and then negotiate a trade deal with the EU as a third country. Of course, the sample size of around 20 or so is not representative...
Signature: Phil White
Non sum felix lepus

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