One Liners

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)
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One Liners

Post by Bobinwales » Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:15 am

I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, "This changes everything."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

Say what you want about deaf people...

I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

I saw a sign that said, "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner; all it was doing was gathering dust.

You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.

Whiteboards are remarkable.
Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

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