** limericks

[Spearmint]

Ok! I can't stand it any longer. Here's my favorite limerick that I haven't forgotten since grade school.

Ahem..

There once was a woman from Linn,
Who was so excessively thin,
Than when she essayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in!


Any more? And did I spell "Linn" right? I couldn't find it in the dictionary.

[Andrew Dalby]

Probably Lynn, short for King's Lynn (England). One of my favourites:

While Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.

[Spearmint]

gross

[Andrew Dalby]

gross

True

[Wizard of Oz]

There was a young man from Connaught
Whose penis was extremely short
His girlfriend said Harry
It's you I can't marry
For that's not a penis it's a wart!!

.. and I know thousands of them, well hundreds at least .. ok so lots and lots .. would you believe a fair few .. anyway being a good Rugby man and enjoying a good sing one had to know them for the verses of many good clean Rugby songs .... and yes I did clean up that posted limerick it should say prick not penis .. oh damn now you've made me say a rude word .. *grin* .. and loving it .......

WoZ of Aus 11/03/06

[Shelley]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who ate lots of clams from a bucket.
They came from a sewer --
Soon his brain cells were fewer,
And we all called him Clambrain McShucket.

[Wizard of Oz]

.. these boys from Nantucket get around ..

There was a young man from Nantucket
Was lowered down a well in a bucket
The last words he spoke
Before the rope broke
Were, damn, oh shit that's fucked it.

.. sorry Shelley seems all of mine have rude words in them .. *grin* ..

WoZ of Aus 12/03/06

[Andrew Dalby]

.. sorry Shelley seems all of mine have rude words in them .. *grin* ..

WoZ of Aus 12/03/06

When it comes to the limerick,

It needn't have ribaldry's taint
Or strive to make everyone faint.
There's a type that's demure
And perfectly pure ...
Though it helps quite a lot if it ain't.

[Shelley]

Bravo, Andrew Dalby!
If cleaning up a limerick requires it to scan less well, then by all means one must choose rudeness over prudeness, in my humble opinion.

[Bobinwales]

A Wiz from New York name of Shelley
Blundered into her bright local deli
But baloney to prudeness
Despite what was rudeness
She ate till she had a full belly

[Shelley]

Gee whiz, Bobinwales, and me on a diet. I don't know what to say . . . except:

A Welsh Wiz named Bob went to bed
Da da da da da da doo ded.
He da da da dee does
Said, "Damn the Torpedos!"
And da da da full speed ahead.

As I've mentioned before, I'm severely comically-challenged. Don't wait for me.

[Spearmint]

This topic is getting too hazy,
With adjectives horribly crazy,
So fried is my brain,
I'm going insane,
Thy rhythm is also quite lazy.

[p. g. cox]

Just came across this one while trawling the web. Maybe at least one of our members will appreciate it.

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz,
due to up-to-date science
to most of his clients,
he wasn't the Wizard he woz.

[Bobinwales]

Don't worry WoZ, we still have faith in you!

[Bobinwales]

Why is it when someone tells a limerick, somebody else has to tell another?

A policeman from near Clapham Junction
Had an organ that just wouldn't function,
So for years of his life
He deceived his poor wife
With some snot on the end of his truncheon.