** limericks

We've created this area in the hope of seeing material ranging from some well-told (or well retold) jokes to original writing with a humorous slant, or anything else that might appeal to the kind of person who enjoys playing with words more than people. That probably means someone like yourself. N.B. -- Postings preceded by ** contain some sexual or risqué content. (Makes them easier to find.)

** limericks

Post by Spearmint » Tue Mar 07, 2006 2:51 am

Ok! I can't stand it any longer. Here's my favorite limerick that I haven't forgotten since grade school.

Ahem..

There once was a woman from Linn,
Who was so excessively thin,
Than when she essayed,
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in!


Any more? And did I spell "Linn" right? I couldn't find it in the dictionary.
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** limericks

Post by Andrew Dalby » Tue Mar 07, 2006 3:18 pm

Probably Lynn, short for King's Lynn (England). One of my favourites:

While Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.
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** limericks

Post by Spearmint » Tue Mar 07, 2006 3:26 pm

gross
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** limericks

Post by Andrew Dalby » Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:36 pm

Spearmint wrote: gross
True
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** limericks

Post by Wizard of Oz » Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:51 am

There was a young man from Connaught
Whose penis was extremely short
His girlfriend said Harry
It's you I can't marry
For that's not a penis it's a wart!!


.. and I know thousands of them, well hundreds at least .. ok so lots and lots .. would you believe a fair few .. anyway being a good Rugby man and enjoying a good sing one had to know them for the verses of many good clean Rugby songs .... and yes I did clean up that posted limerick it should say prick not penis .. oh damn now you've made me say a rude word .. *grin* .. and loving it .......

WoZ of Aus 11/03/06
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Signature: "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

** limericks

Post by Shelley » Sun Mar 12, 2006 12:50 am

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who ate lots of clams from a bucket.
They came from a sewer --
Soon his brain cells were fewer,
And we all called him Clambrain McShucket.
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** limericks

Post by Wizard of Oz » Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:38 am

.. these boys from Nantucket get around ..

There was a young man from Nantucket
Was lowered down a well in a bucket
The last words he spoke
Before the rope broke
Were, damn, oh shit that's fucked it.


.. sorry Shelley seems all of mine have rude words in them .. *grin* ..

WoZ of Aus 12/03/06
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Signature: "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

** limericks

Post by Andrew Dalby » Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:46 pm


.. sorry Shelley seems all of mine have rude words in them .. *grin* ..

WoZ of Aus 12/03/06
When it comes to the limerick,

It needn't have ribaldry's taint
Or strive to make everyone faint.
There's a type that's demure
And perfectly pure ...
Though it helps quite a lot if it ain't.
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** limericks

Post by Shelley » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:16 pm

Bravo, Andrew Dalby!
If cleaning up a limerick requires it to scan less well, then by all means one must choose rudeness over prudeness, in my humble opinion.
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** limericks

Post by Bobinwales » Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:39 pm

A Wiz from New York name of Shelley
Blundered into her bright local deli
But baloney to prudeness
Despite what was rudeness
She ate till she had a full belly
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

** limericks

Post by Shelley » Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:03 pm

Gee whiz, Bobinwales, and me on a diet. I don't know what to say . . . except:

A Welsh Wiz named Bob went to bed
Da da da da da da doo ded.
He da da da dee does
Said, "Damn the Torpedos!"
And da da da full speed ahead.

As I've mentioned before, I'm severely comically-challenged. Don't wait for me.
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** limericks

Post by Spearmint » Tue Mar 14, 2006 10:18 am

This topic is getting too hazy,
With adjectives horribly crazy,
So fried is my brain,
I'm going insane,
Thy rhythm is also quite lazy.
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Re: ** limericks

Post by p. g. cox » Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:45 pm

Just came across this one while trawling the web. Maybe at least one of our members will appreciate it.

The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz,
due to up-to-date science
to most of his clients,
he wasn't the Wizard he woz.
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Signature: Pete.

Re: ** limericks

Post by Bobinwales » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:21 am

Don't worry WoZ, we still have faith in you!
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

Re: ** limericks

Post by Bobinwales » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:24 am

Why is it when someone tells a limerick, somebody else has to tell another?

A policeman from near Clapham Junction
Had an organ that just wouldn't function,
So for years of his life
He deceived his poor wife
With some snot on the end of his truncheon.
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Signature: All those years gone to waist!
Bob in Wales

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