** The views from Mars and Venus

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** The views from Mars and Venus

Post by Quail » Sun Dec 11, 2005 8:34 pm

I've never quite worked out why men and women are so different in their attitudes towards sex. In particular, I have never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing -- you know, the whole "Men think with their heads and women with their hearts" business.

For instance, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, but finally she said, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear: "You're just not enough in touch with my emotional needs as a woman for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

I opted to take the next day off work to spend some time with her. We had a nice lunch out, and then went shopping at an exclusive department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different and very expensive outfits. When she couldn't decide which one to take, I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit".

We went on to the jewelry department, where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you -- she was so excited. She must have thought I was one beer short of a six-pack. I began to believe she was testing me, because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost creaming herself with excitement at this point. With a huge grin of anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all, darling! Let's go to the cashier!"

I could hardly contain myself when I exclaimed, "No, honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I told her, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not enough in touch with my financial needs as a man for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either.

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